Dan’s stag do

Dan in a stag mask
Dan in a stag mask

Dan’s getting married in May this year, so a bunch of us went out to shoot him with paintballs at the weekend. When you’re all dressed up in the overalls & masks, it’s hard to tell who’s who. The stag was presented with some antlers & a booby apron. This made it a lot easier to spot him.


As it turned out, I’m not sure I hit the boy all day. I spent most of my time hiding. On one of the first games my gun jammed & a marshal (or 13 y/o kid) was assisting me, when I turned to look round the corner to find a semi-automatic gun in my face. We talked her out of unloading that in my face. She got me later on though… right up the bum! That was a bit of a shock I can tell you. Caught one right in the funny-bone at the same time causing me to drop my gun.

“Run-Stag-Run” was game number 6 (or maybe 8). Dan was placed at one end of the arena without a gun. 4 of us lined each side as he made a run for the other end. But then in “Stags Revenge” Dan was given 2 guns as we all ran from end to end. He got me a gooden, across my arse again. I hid behind the base & Brendan grabbed one of the spare guns & retaliated from about 12″ away. Dan blasted him & then spotted me hiding & finished up the ammo on my left leg – OOOOWWWW!!!

The last game taking place in the WWI arena was an “all against all” where the only rules were… we are all immortal. Meaning, keep shooting each other until you’re out of ammo. Our friendly marshal only telling us this after he squashed us all onto the bridge in the middle. That was an interesting, yet painful game. I was caught in Dan & Ben’s cross-fire & Matt (Dan’s brother) took one right in the nuts rendering him motionless.

The London Paintball Centre at Canary Warf where all this took place was possibly the most aggressive I’ve been too. Head shots were aloud & they go by 2 shots kill which means more pain. The arenas were very small too (compared to outdoor centres), but this was a good thing. Means a lot less of the unnecessary running & you can shoot people at the other end straight away.

After the pain-ball, we went back to Andrews, freshened up & headed off to the Romford Dog Track where we won about £130 on the last race. That was fantastic! It was in last place on the first lap. From here we went on to some bar in Romford but the night was starting to get a bit hazy for me. I think I fell asleep on the fag machine. I do know that the wet patch I on my crouch at the end of the taxi home was Fosters!

Thanks to Dan – I think we all had a great day out!